Boundaries and kindness
Boundaries are difficult to receive
because we forget that we
are a collection of parts
When we hear No
It may only be a No to
- the offer
- the intention
- the situation
No I don’t want more sauce
No I don’t want to fly to Paris with you
No I didn’t want that third dog pic after the first two that I also didn’t want.
It’s not No to you as a person
It’s not No to your history
It’s not No to your future.
It’s No to the situation rn
I have a practice when saying No.
First I say Yes to the Person.
Would you like some more sauce?
- that’s kind of you to offer, no thankyou I have enough
Would you like to come to Paris with me?
- I’m stoked you thought of me, and no thanks I’m allergic to croissants
What did you think of my dog pics?
- your dog is very large and the way you fit him in the frame was extraordinary, but please note that future dog pics are unwelcome
Say Yes to the person and No to the offer.
And I know you don’t have to explain your No.
That No is a complete sentence.
But sometimes it’s a nice thing to do.
Pouring a little kindness on your boundaries goes a long way.
